'A Navy SEAL walks into a compound': bin Laden jokes start


Stop me if you heard this one.

Osama bin Laden is dead at long last, and late night could not wait to get its joke on.

‘You seem like you’re in a good mood,’ said CBS’s David Letterman, greeting his Late Show audience with a grin. ‘You folks enjoy the Osama Bin Laden season finale?’

On NBC, Tonight Show host Jay Leno was all smiles as he declared: ‘It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: ”Yes I Did”.’

Jimmy Kimmel on ABC joked: ‘It was the first Twitter death rumor ever that turned out to be true.’

Late Night host Jimmy Fallon on NBC said: ‘Bin Laden is dead! Just like the Republicans’ chances in 2012.’


Thanks to the Daily Mail for the above.

Letterman disclosed that because of a paperwork, blunder there were 72 vegans awaiting Bin Laden in the afterlife.

Here’s Letterman’s Top Ten, “fresh from the State Department,” list of the Final Words of Osama Bin Laden —

10. “My horoscope says ‘big surprises are in store.'”
9. “See, this is why I normally don’t answer the door.”
8. “The one time I give my bodyguards a day off to go to the zoo…”
7. “What on earth could be interrupting ‘Celebrity Apprentice’?”
6. “I hear Brian Williams is on Dave to discuss my imminent demise.”
5. “At least I’ll be reunited with my dear departed friend Jack LaLanne.”
4. “I’m not sure I want to live in a world where ‘Fast Five’ is the No. 1 movie.”
3. “Any man with multiple wives welcomes death, am I right, fellas?”
2. “I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head.”
1. “Oh, crap!”

In Dave’s monologue, he jokes the SEALS had got into bin Laden’s compound because they had “a guy posing as a Domino’s kid.”


Stephen Colbert is “as giddy as a schoolgirl who just shot Osama bin Laden in the eye!”


Jon Stewart ripped on TV anchors vamping before Obama’s announcement. Stewart is also funny on Obama’s brutal roast of rumored presidential candidate and  king blowhard Donald Trump at the White House Correspondent’s dinner.


“Now the terrorists will want to attack us. But you know who won’t see it? Bin Laden, because we shot out his eyes and now he lives in a pineapple under the sea.” Not funny? Oh, well, guess you have to be into Sponge Bob.


Jay Leno is happy bin Laden’s death, but Obama does a cartwheel after announcement–with a bit of CGI magic. Because bin Laden was shot in the face, “it looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved.” Oh, Jay, hang it up.


I’m sorry, who likes Craig Ferguson? Snooze. Like Jon Stewart, Ferguson notes that Obama interupted Trump-hosted Celebrity Apprentice to announce bin Laden’s death.



Oh, and last but not least, is my cubicle neighbor and Air Force Times’ resident comedian Scott Fontaine, who loves this one:

“Abbottabad? Talk about a Abbottabaddd place to hide! OH!”

[via UPI, The Atlantic, Daily Mail]




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  1. Good news. oBama killed oSama.

    It’s the best time now for Obama to abduct Osama’s harem.

    On Saturday, Obama displayed his own birth certificate and on Sunday Osama’s death certificate

    Osama Seal-ed at bottom of sea!!

  2. Phil Roberts on

    I think Donald Trump is insisting to see Bin Laden’s death certificate because the last time he saw him he was hiding under Trump’s rug!

  3. next time you order a drink at a bar ask for a Bin Laden comes with 2 shots and a splash of water

  4. bin laden is swimming with the fishes (for those of u sad enough to have played worms 🙂

    Rebecca black’s Friday becomes well known and a few days later Osama dies. coincidence?

  5. OMG– Like Bin Laden didn’t have internet, Like was his Dad poor, and eeww how could he FB and make friends – IDK

  6. Nick Nickolich on

    Oseaman bin Laden gets 72 mermaids. He’s having a whale of a time.
    Some of his body parts may end up in a tin of tuna though. Tin Laden

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